Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
