So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Randomize
