I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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