dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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