All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
