I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drunk is not a location!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
