I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
These tits shall not be calmed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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