dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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