Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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