I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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