There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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