he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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