My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
