If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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