my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
