So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
