TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I touched a dick in church today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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