I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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