yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
