So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
