so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
