I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
