So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
