ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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