ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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