Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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