did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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