I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
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