You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize