I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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