my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
