He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
