The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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