Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

Now it's a party.

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(831): View more from California

I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.

Fav 5 1109 770
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(517): View more from Michigan

It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair

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(514): View more from Quebec

i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.

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(970): View more from Colorado

You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.

Fav 2 225 119
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(317): View more from Indiana

If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife

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