It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
