did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
