i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
