I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
