my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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