Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
