i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we're so committed to being not committed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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