The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
