i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
