Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
