Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
