you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
