Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
