i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
