I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
