just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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