i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
