my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
