I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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