Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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