You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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