Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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