I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
