happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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