Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
