My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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