After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
