I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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