The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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