My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
