Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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