I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
