I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
