Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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