i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
