This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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