Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
