She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I forget how to act sober
Randomize