youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
