i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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