you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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