if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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